I demand a separate State too

Have been following the TRS and KCR kartoots and it made me realize that if they can demand for a new state for them selves as they’ve been discriminated all along. I think I’ve all the right to do that too …

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So i Demand a new separate state for Left-Handers, after all there are almost 60-70 millions of us around.

The extent of discrimination and humiliation we’ve to go through is inexplicable. These “Righties” have made every thing so so convenient for them forgetting about our existence.

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They use their right palm to shake hands, pointing at some one, making air figures, man to hand thingie and all such cool things.

But they’ll use their left hand to ask for lift, or jerk it to say ok tata bye bye,  and Indians … they use left hand for to wash them off after doing …. oh my god i can’t even say that … Its such disgrace to the left hand …

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Tell me how many of you have to write notes in class sitting on chair with notebook support on right. And don’t get me stated on the right handed guitars, scissors, mouse, golf clubs, tin-openers, potato peelers, corkscrews, rulers, number keys on keyboards, watches, chequebooks, boomerangs, measuring cups and pencil sharpeners … the list goes on and on …

Even firearms are designed considering the right-handed person in mind, so that left-handed junta will not be able to use them properly for their protection. I am telling you, its all a well planned conspiracy to wipe out the left-handed population from the face of earth.

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They call us, south-paw (US), crack-handed (British), khabbo (India), sinitera (latin), gauche (french) and what not.

Given that we lefties earn more and hence pay more taxes then the “right” counterpart. And what are they spending in on … more “righties” favorable products.

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But not any more, come my left-handed fellows … lets show this world our true power, let us call for a band, destroy some public property and probably make some retard to go on an “amaran anshaan” too. But we’ll get a new state for us too ….

And if government is stupid enough to agree, we’ll start fighting for a separate country.

We shall call out party …

TRS (These Righties Sucks)

and I’ll be your leader

KCR (Krusty Crab Rambo)

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I’ve one last question to ask these filthy righties …. why is that you can “rightly write right from your right hand” but we can’t “leftly left left from our left hand“

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I m just a human being like you all left handed people …  Only that I ask questions ……

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let there be light on thy chat window

This is precise and unedited chat I had with one of my friend. And I think I was almost successful in annoying her to the extent she stopped replying (As she is well know for her skill of never giving up in an argument).

Her: have u sent me the invitation?

was it you

?

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me: who knows ..

does that matter …

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Her: hmmm

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me: every thing around u is not indestructible …

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Her: just like that i asked

x-(

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me: life is too short to ask such question

lets analyze what have we achieved in our life …

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Her: (punch)

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me: pointing fingers is easy …

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Her: waaaaaaaaaaat

wat happened

who did that?

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me: but remrmber when you point a finger at some one …

ther other three point at you

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Her: wat happened?

when did i point

??

x-(

have u gone crazy/

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me: thats what appears to the whole world

the truth is …. i’ve realized …

i’ve realized the reason of life ..

there is not point in living this material life ..

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Her: have u gone nute?

nuts*

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me: who cares bout nuts … or butters .. or cakes…

its all just pleasure for some seconds …

and then its gone ..

its your soul which remains with you …

after all …

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Her: (whew)

God save Ankit

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me: not only me… god saves every one. .

even those who have devilish intentions …

he is watching each and every one of us

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Her: Plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

for God sake

instead of crazy

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me: may lord shower his blessings on you

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Her: plzzzz

now stoppp

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me: the power of one .. is still unknown to the world ..

so they ignore him ..

or fear him ..

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Her: x-(

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me: don’t be afraid my child …

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Her: i am not ur child

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me: he has the gentle hand of all … he wont hit you .. .only pat you …

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Her:

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me: with his kindness

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Her: (whew)

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me: god bless you my child …. god bless you

And the child was gone  ….

Let The Men Hold Pinkies Campaign

Dear Readers,

I am writing this with a very heavy heart. It’s high time for all of us to unite. We’ve ignored this problem for so long, but now we’ll not any more.

As you know, that out freedom is at stake, freedom to express yourself openly, without any questions arising. I still remember those times when a guy and another guy and roam around freely, without hesitation. Nobody questioned their orientation even when they walk swinging their hand holding their pinkies. I know it sounds too good to be true, but that was such time … the golden 90’s.

But by the end of first decade of 2000 everything has changed. It all started with that vicious big budget multi starrer movie “which can’t be named” (Obviously the writer is referring to Karan Johar’s DOSTANA).

That was the start of actual AD (After Dostana), and within a year everything changed. All the straight male started getting emotionally harassed, by the people they considered their own, their sisters, cousins, friends, gal friends even in worst case their mothers and grandma’s.

They could no more stay alone with another male friend of theirs. Hugging and pulling each other was like a taboo. Shaking hands was allowed but not holding them. We tried to fit us in with all the rules, but still the taunts never stopped, every day every hour, never went without mention of “you know which movie”.

But as I said, It’s time to say no. If we don’t do anything now, then it would be too late. What kind of country do you want to give you male child, the country with every day every hour questions him. How to go out, how to behave with other guys? How would you face you child when he grow up and ask you, why Dad why didn’t you do something when the problem was emerging, why did you waited till it was too late… That moment will definitely suck. Let’s not wait for that moment to arrive, let’s do something now … like the king of rock and roll the great mighty Elvis said ones –“It’s now or never”

So, I humbly urge you all to agree to sign a PIL with me, to put stop to all this right now, let’s make “you know which” movie forbidden to Indian females. And make it illegal to comment on a man and a man relationship. Let’s make this as huge as the pink chaddi campaign.

Let’s tell them, that we are united and we’ll not tolerate this anymore. We will if needed could go till Amaran Anshan(till death hunger strike). We’ll call this …

Let The Men Hold Pinkies Campaign

PS : first Pic Courtesy Shelly.

blog hacked by a hot girl

This blog has been hacked by a Smoking hot female writer.

From now on, the previous shit head writer will not be posting his stupid ideas on this space. Only the beautiful thoughts, sentimental poems, some recipes and random cute animal pictures will be posted here. Since every nut head cum geeky internet user has to comment on any random post written by a hot (enough to evaporate her sweat) girl, you are obliged to comment on this one too.

Sign –

A girl hotter than Sun’s surface,

(Which is around -15000000K)

Disclaimer: It’s not another lame attempt by a nerd trying to impersonate a hot (enough to burn Chuck Norris alive) girl, to increase the comment count of his blog.

How to be a Road side Romeo for dummies – 2

Part -1

If you think lines like “eh chalti kya”, “jhakaas maal”, “haai! Dil per churiyan chala di”, “palat” and cheap whistling will help you creep out the women and satisfy your sadistic needs … then you have reached the 90’s but you are definitely not prepared enough for the female of 21^st century.

Here is the next chapter of …  Eveteasersdaily #1 bestseller

How to be a successful 21^st century Road side Romeo

For Dummies

Testimonial from Pups (formely – pappu katori)

-          There was the time when mothers used to tell their daughters not to take tedi gali because that’s where pappu katori roam. I had the power to nauseate female from 15 to 50, oh! Those were the golden days. Well things changed and I kind of started losing my charm. Female were less afraid of me, they even stopped making disgusted faces on my comments. But I lost it when they started laughing calling me uncle. I went into depression; it took me 2 years and this awesome book to recover from there. And now I m back baby!! Better than before, now I know where I went wrong … all the hidden secrets of laundiyabaazi, oops sorry the art of eve teasing are here, in this one greatest ever book. There are thousands of humiliated people like me out there, who just can no longer stand the shame of not living up to the mark of our ancestors.

STEP 3: Body Language:

Yes! The body speaks, and much much louder than the (de)silencer of your bike.

1. Learn to pull your belly in and hold it right there … you don’t want to look like some uncle with tummy suspending out of the pant, do you?
2. Spread your chest holding the breath*, as wide as you can. Big hairy chest is an asset very few are blessed with. If you are the one exploit it as much as you can.
3. Make sure your hands do not touch your body while walking, keep your arms 4 inch away from torso and swing them mechanically synchronized with your legs. That’s how manly man walks.
4. Never sit on the rider’s seat while driving the bike, stretch your body move back as much as possible. It’s really important to give the sporty look, doesn’t matter if you have a third class 100 cc bike. And don’t worry about the back pain, u are not going to live long enough for that.
5. If you are in a restaurant, always … put your right leg on the couch or the chair, keep your right hand on it, and keep waving it while talking, don’t forget to eye the girl on the other table.

STEP 4: Mouth Language:

Expressing your evil intensions to the victim is not as easy as it may seem to others. It demands lot hard work and months of practice. Here, I’ll explain how to improve your language skills…

1. I would strongly suggest you to go through the Dictionary of RSR Words like “Dude”, ”Kool”, ”Hot”, “Chick”, “Man”, “Yo”, “sexy”, “babe”, are   the keywords you have learn by heart.

Use random combinations of these words and viola, you are and English genius.

Example:

• Yo dude, you chick look so hot.
• Hey, sexy mama I m kool man.
• The cool Daddy is here sexy hot babe.

2. Slangs are the soul of RSR language. As per the old legends, an RSR who fails to construct his sentence without even a single slang dies the death of a middle class government servant.

But times have changed … you  are no more a sadak chaap mawaali you are well-versed RSR. So, no more maa-ki aur bhen-ki, go international crossing South Park, do it the gangsta style. Like:  BEEP, BEEEEP, BEEPBEEP, BEEEEEEEEEEP, BEEEP, BEEP BEEP BEEP …

(Note:  this portion has been censored to protect the innocence)

3. And if you are dumb (as in 95% of the cases), your cheap Chinese hyper loud mobile can come handy. Beware, don’t put cheap desi (read bhojpuri) songs like “hamka hau chaahi”, “meri chatari ke neeche aaja” “jaalidaar kurti” etc. Not because they are cheap and disgusting, coz that’s what you are, it’s just that these are uncool and surprisingly not irritating enough.

Reshamiya’s meticulously creepy melodies iced with his nasal effects are strongly recommended, it works like a charm.

That’s all for now my lovely dirty students, in the next session,

We’ll be learning the tricks and ways how to locate your prey,

And how to save your ass if it turns out to be gay .

—–

—–

PS:- Took me just just 8 months and 9 days to write the sequel post to the other one.

PS: – The pic is copyright of yashraj films.

Rakhi Sawant ka swayamvar

If u have never heard about “Rakhi Sawant ka Swayamvar”, then please do me a favor and jump off the roof of your building. And if you are sleazy or lazy enough to not compile my request then you can read bout it here .

Once it so happened that I clicked on this youtube link which directed me to NDTV imagine’s youtube page, and I ended up watching all the RSS (read as rakhi sawant’s swayamvar) episode’s there and I am not ashamed of my deed.

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The show tells you about the Indian culture; how the princes from different states used to compete with each other to woo the princess with biggest Brr…. I mean Heart in the whole nation. Its like the mythological serial with modern character, “rakhi devi ko dekhte hi saath man bakti bhavna se oot prot ho jaata hai” something of that sort.

If that reason didn’t work for you … then think about this…

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.

The show is trying really hard to increase the awareness about a serious social issue, i.e. Female Infanticide. Seriously now you can clearly see how worse the conditions are in India when 16 (gabru naujawan) Handsome Hunks (all puns intended) has to contest with each other to marry … Rakhi … yes … the Rakhi Sawant. So, we should all watch the serial to promote such noble cause, devi Rakhi has come up with.

I hope you are convinced now…

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.

If still not, then please please please watch it for the poor aspiring actors (to be rakhi’s groom), they have sacrificed so much to come in limelight. I mean actually signed up to “might be lawfully wedded husband” of The Rakhi Sawant. They are either out of their mind or really really desperate.

I m really sympathetic to all of them … which so much capability and originality going without notice.

Some of my favorites, in increasing order of their “pwnaapa“

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Lurrrv Khanna: comparing Raki ji to sita mayyia … How original … so deep … heart pondering … hamana hamana hamana

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Man – moh- na tivaari :I just love this guy … giving amma ka kangan … *sob* *sob*  kya senti shayari … more *sob* *sob*

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Ass-Win Chowdharee : “Oh maai gaad, amai-zzing … same color ” I m fan of his dialogue delivery. every time he say’s “amaizzing” a hot gal dies of the exposer to mere amazingness …

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Shit-is jain : I bow to thy awesomeness just love his expression at 0:35 of the video and the pose at 0:38 killer baap …

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Alright, that’s all I could do to persuade you … if you still feel like giving this show a skip… then read the PS….

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PS : The best thing about the show is, it proves why they call the TV an Idiot Box.

Are you free ?

F.A.QU

I was tagged by Karan and Ayesha, btw thanks a lot for the tag … one of the most fun tag I got to do in long time.

So, here goes …

Q: When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
A: If I were a woman, I’ll definitely marry this handsome …

Q: How much cash do you have in your wallet right now?
A: Rs. 2264.5

Q: What’s a word that rhymes with DOOR?
A: bhor भोर (morning)

Q: Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?
A: some named 04066977450

Q: What is your favorite ring tone on your phone?
A: Which ever freaks out my colleagues more.

Q: What are you wearing right now?
A: Formal shirt, blue jeans, sport shoes, white vest, brown underwear and a grin on my face after grossing you out.

Q: Do you label yourself?
A: I m a man not a grocery item.

Q: Name the brand of the shoes you’re currently own?
A: Adidas, Lee Cooper and a local shoe company from Agra.

Q: Bright or Dark Room?

A: Dark obviously, “jai tamraj kilvish”
Q: What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?

A: well both of tham are a gr8 peepal and I wanna to make frndships wid them …

Q: What does your watch look like?
A: skin colored, with hairs on it …Oh Damn! I forgot to wear my watch

Q: What were you doing at midnight last night?
A: either I was watching “Life is beautiful” or I was watching …. Ammm.. nothing …  I was watching nothing …

Q: What did your last text message you received on your cell say?
A: Arz kiya hai ….

Agar aapki shakal gadhe se milti hai,

agar aapki shakal gade se milti hai…

To ismain gadhe ki kya galti hai …

.

Why am I friends with these people

Q: What’s a word that you say a lot?
A: Well, I donno …

Q: Who told you he/she loved you last? (please exclude spouse , family, children)
A: A close friend

Q: Last furry thing you touched?
A: no way I m answering that …

Q: Favorite age you have been so far?
A: call-age … I mean college

Q: What was the last thing you said to someone?
A: “hello neighbor”, to my colleague

Q: The last song you listened to?
A: Ayo Technology – milow

Q: Where did you live in 1987?
A: in a house made of bricks and cement.

Q: Are you jealous of anyone?
A: Yes, and its Sam Anderson, I wish I could look like him, walk like him, dance like him just be like him.

Q: Is anyone jealous of you?

A: How would I know?

Q: Name three things that you have on you at all times?
A: A mobile with most annoying ringtone, A wallet with stuff stuffed much more than its capacity and fresh futta (PJ) in mind.

Q: What’s your favorite town/city?
A: townies at felicity

Q: When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it?
A: 6^th September, 2005.

Q: Can you change the oil on a car?
A: Sure I can…   BTW … car is the one with four wheels right ?

Q: Your first love/big crush: what is the last thing you heard about him/her?
A: She’s very busy.

Q: Does anything hurt on your body right now?
A: yeh, my knee…probably coz, I’ve been thinking a lot writing this post.

Q: What is your current desktop picture?
A: My Idol, Dr. Evil’s

Q: Have you been burnt by love?
A: I’ve been burnt, but I wouldn’t call that love.

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ok its my turn now pass on the tag … so I tag,

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Sultan of samarkand long time no post…

Vani serious or hilarious

Kido I really want to see your take on it

sica Stop hibernating … and post some thing

and every one else who have not been tagged….

You’ve got a mail

It’s been more than a year since i’ve left IIIT hyphen H. Well, college days are over now, and can’t fold this time plane to reach the same place.

Out of innumerous things I miss about the place, tullu mails are one of them. I still remember the Gali-mama/Aazad time, people used to wait eagerly for the next mail to arrive, to find who the new victim is? well, Apart from the Azaad series there were some other small scale tullu mails.

Ok! to clear things off … A small trivia … the name tullu mail was coined by the mail sender’s only. In their early phase most of such mails use to have the same content “I am the biggest tullu of IIIT”. So the word tullu caught up with the “mail” suffix and we got a general term called tullu mail.

Here’s an example of a typical tullu mail

Subject:      Hi Guys and Gals ….
From:      ”N***N T***I” <n***n@students.iiit.net>
Date:      Wed, August 31, 2005 11:30 pm
To:      ug2@students.iiit.net
Priority:      Normal
Options:      View Full Header |  View Printable Version  | Download this as a file  | View Message details

Hi ppl,

As you all know I am N***n-DOUBT-T***i …
I am superman because I wear my underwear over my pants ..
Wheee. ….
Its a bird , its a plane ….   No….  Its n***n — da SUPERMAN

so bye take care and if you have any problem remember ur Superman .

Love to all …

Counter-terrorist….. The SuperMan.

.

They are always fun to read… But as it’s evident, they are composed by someone but the mail ID owner. Though sometimes people knowingly send some mails, which are more amusing than these tullu mails, like this one …

.

from : ********@iiit.ac.in
to : students@iiit.ac.in

Dear Mr. ANKUR HANDA please meet me immediately for head examination.

Also a student has taken my PEN and not returned it. This is a very SERIOUS matter. Return it immediately or I will take up the issue with the DEAN.

-********

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And this just a tiniest part of thy awesomeness.

But this one takes the cake …

.

From: V***** ******* <v*************@research.iiit.ac.in>
Date: Wed, Jun 10, 2009 at 3:56 PM
Subject: [All] 2 interesting movies
To: all@mail.iiit.ac.in

I have added 2 movies to share and am of the opinion that students and
faculty alike would find them interesting

1.
Immortal Beloved
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0110116/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Immortal_Beloved_(film)
This is a biographical movie on the life of the great classical music
composer Ludvig van Beethoven

2.
Ayn Rand: A Sense of Life
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0118662/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ayn_Rand_A_Sense_of_Life
This is a biographical movie on the life of the author Ayn Rand, she wrote
many bestsellers like “Atlas Shrugged”, “Fountainhead”, etc. In addition
to that, she was the founder of the school of philosophy known as,
“Objectivism”.

My nick on DC is V****

–
V**** *****
MS By Research
http://v********.blogspot.com

_______________________________________________
All mailing list
All@mail.iiit.ac.in
http://mail.iiit.ac.in/mailman/listinfo/all

.

And it was followed by this …

.

From: V**** ***** <v********@research.iiit.ac.in>
Date: Tue, Jun 9, 2009 at 2:47 PM
Subject: [All] Fwd: Even God has a Sense of Humour!!
To: all@mail.iiit.ac.in

*Even God has a Sense of Humor!!*

God was in the process of creating the universe.
And he was explaining to his subordinates “Look everything should be in
balance. For example, after every 10 deer there should be a lion.

Look here my fellow angels, here is the country of the United States.
I have blessed them with prosperity and money.
But at the same time I have given them insecurity and tension….

And here is Africa. I have given them beautiful nature.
But at the same time, I have given them climatic extremes.

And here is South America. I have given them lots of forests.
But at the same time, I have given them lesser land so that they would have
to cut off the forests…
So you see fellows, everything should be in balance.

One of the angels asked…
“God, what is this extremely beautiful country here?”

God said……. “Ahah…that is the crown piece of all. “INDIA”,
My most precious creation.
It has understanding and friendly People.
Sparkling streams and serene mountains.
A culture which speaks of the great tradition that they live.
Technologically brilliant and with a heart of gold…..

The angel was quite surprised:
“But god you said everything should be in balance.”

God replied — “Look at the neighbours I gave them.”

*******

.

–
Cheers,
R***

_______________________________________________
All mailing list
All@mail.iiit.ac.in
http://mail.iiit.ac.in/mailman/listinfo/all

.

Well, first mail was informative and second was a little lame but what do you expect from a forward mail … and definitely non of them in any condition are supposed to be forwarded to all@iiit which, by the way includes faculty, students and staff member …

I remember sending a test mail once to students account, then Sysadmin blocked my account immediately, I don’t know what happened to this poor guy’s account.

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.

PS: – Please don’t call me sadistic … I did remove the names.

PS: — Although at least every one at college already know the true identity of the sender.

PS: — Leaving for bangalooru this weekend for a pseudo-reunion.

How to increase blog hits

PS: And here goes my 150th post …