Do You Care about The Heavenly Air

9 Sep

Disclaimer: This Post and any information enclosed within the post contain explicit and/or gawky information Parental Guidance is advised.

So why did I choose such topic?

Since ages human flatulence in public is regarded as embarrassing and is generally considered to be an unfortunate occurrence. People will often strain to hold in the passing of gas when in polite company, or position themselves to conceal the noise and scent. I mean it’s a common phenomena, even coughing is less frequent then this. I believe as a responsible member of the society it’s my duty to enlighten the people with its importance and eradicate the misconceptions they have.

Let’s start with a quick definition …

Break wind, flatus, and flatulence or as we all know it “FART”, is a common phenomena of expelling a mixture of gases in the digestive tract of mammals from the rectum.

As it is evident here… Farting is a common phenomenon … and if u don’t do it … then u must see a doctor, coz there is something seriously wrong with you.

Misconceptions: –

There are so many misconceptions about it … the freakiest one is “It causing green house effect”

Yeh! Flatulence is often blamed as a significant source of greenhouse gases owing to the erroneous belief that the methane released by livestock is in the flatus. While livestock account for around 20% of global methane emissions, 90-95% of that is released by exhaling or burping. This means only 1–2% of global methane emissions come from livestock flatus.

Women fart less than men…

Totally wrong! There could be variation among individuals in the amount of gas produced per day, but the variation does not correlate with gender.

It is burp coming from wrong opening

Ridiculous, both of them have different chemical composition … most of the fart content is result of anaerobic process while for burp it is of aerobic.

And there are so many of them …

(Note = People fart while sleeping and when dead too. )

Career: –

There have been people who actually made art out of it and earned name and lot of money. One such notable personality was Mr. Methane a popular British flautist. Flautists have the ability to control its velocity, strength and so sound. They have such command of their bowels, that they can break wind continuously at will, so as to produce the effect of singing.

If u can’t do that … no worries … you can open a shop for all FART related products … like … fartmart.com, f4rt.com and fart.com.

Still no luck, lack of money …. Well you can show your creativity with a book on it … There have been so many bestselling books … special mention to The Gas We Pass by Shinta Cho, sold over 2 million copies by 2003. Then there is Who Cut the Cheese? and so many …

My observations: –

The worst thing you can do in a meeting room full of mortals and with only source of fresh air being the AC is loud thundering earthshaking fart.

The best thing you can do in a meeting room full of mortals and with only source of fresh air being the AC is intolerable life threatening fart with silencer.

Now in the first scenario it’s fun to be the other person and look the face of the poor soul who just realized that what he has done.

In the second scenario it’s fun to be the first person felicitating on your narrow escape and proudly looking at changing expression on other’s faces.

smell * sound = energy of fart (constant)

energy of fart = f(person, grub)

That’s why a good man do is silently but a wise man does it loudly and proudly.

Also, The effort involved in retaining flatus can cause hemorrhoids and stomach ache. And sometimes something much more horrible …

Even,

Emperor Claudius even passed a law legalizing farting at banquets out of concern for people’s health.

Hence,

Better to fart and bear the shame,
than hold the fart and bear the pain!

This was me … what bout you … ??

Do you care ? about the heavenly air ?

PS: – It has been one very shitty but informative post …

PS: — I seriously thank the faculty of IIIT to come up with owl and lark concept.

PS: — Going Chennai this 12th.

PS: —- Discovery of the weekend – Ankur Jaiswal makes really good paranthas.

PS: —– Song of the week – viva-la-vida by coldplay.

PS: —— Next post … recipe of aalu ki sabzi and aalu pyaz ke paranthe.

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6 Responses to “Do You Care about The Heavenly Air”

  1. Ghost Runner September 9, 2008 at 9:46 am #

    As disgusting as it can get yuck !!!

  2. Karan September 9, 2008 at 11:35 am #

    “People fart while sleeping and when dead too”

    WTF!!

  3. Rohith September 9, 2008 at 12:33 pm #

    Nee yenkamma!

  4. Kulbir Saini September 9, 2008 at 1:12 pm #

    “”Still no luck, lack of money …. Well you can show your creativity with a book on it””

    Dude! Frankly tell me. Are you out of money????

  5. asr September 9, 2008 at 4:57 pm #

    A Flautist is a Flute player, as compared to a Flatulist who is the topic of this post.

    Because of you all the Flute players who are reading this would not touch their Flutes for few days!

  6. @nks September 23, 2008 at 7:04 am #

    @Ghost runner … 😀

    @Karan … yeh … it is serious Wht the F !!

    @Rohit … I don’t what that mean … but i hope u r appreciating the post …

    @Kulbir … No no no … i m not … it was for the one who wants to earn through … u know wht !!

    @asr … i do hope not …

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