let there be light on thy chat window

This is precise and unedited chat I had with one of my friend. And I think I was almost successful in annoying her to the extent she stopped replying (As she is well know for her skill of never giving up in an argument).

Her: have u sent me the invitation?

was it you

?

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me: who knows ..

does that matter …

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Her: hmmm

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me: every thing around u is not indestructible …

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Her: just like that i asked

x-(

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me: life is too short to ask such question

lets analyze what have we achieved in our life …

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Her: (punch)

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me: pointing fingers is easy …

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Her: waaaaaaaaaaat

wat happened

who did that?

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me: but remrmber when you point a finger at some one …

ther other three point at you

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Her: wat happened?

when did i point

??

x-(

have u gone crazy/

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me: thats what appears to the whole world

the truth is …. i’ve realized …

i’ve realized the reason of life ..

there is not point in living this material life ..

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Her: have u gone nute?

nuts*

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me: who cares bout nuts … or butters .. or cakes…

its all just pleasure for some seconds …

and then its gone ..

its your soul which remains with you …

after all …

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Her: (whew)

God save Ankit

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me: not only me… god saves every one. .

even those who have devilish intentions …

he is watching each and every one of us

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Her: Plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

for God sake

instead of crazy

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me: may lord shower his blessings on you

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Her: plzzzz

now stoppp

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me: the power of one .. is still unknown to the world ..

so they ignore him ..

or fear him ..

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Her: x-(

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me: don’t be afraid my child …

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Her: i am not ur child

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me: he has the gentle hand of all … he wont hit you .. .only pat you …

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Her:

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me: with his kindness

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Her: (whew)

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me: god bless you my child …. god bless you

And the child was gone  ….

Weird night at a club

Date:  4^th November, Wednesday

Place: 10^th Downing Street, Hyderabad

Occasion: Nothing, just ladies night

It probably was just another day for a popular club at Hyderabad. It was ladies night, means free drinks and sacks for ladies till 10 PM. The not so huge place was crowded with females ranging from 21 (legally, would be less) to I don’t know 50 may be. No guys allowed. Things were fine, DJ was playing popular tracks and rests were shaking their legs.

Guy friends, Cousins, Boyfriends, Husbands (mostly someone else’s) waiting outside for the clock to stuck 10 and they can get an entry. Wait’s over its, guys are in and here comes A local male model (let’s call him X).

Now, Mr. X gets up to the center stage and announce that he is going to choose three lucky gals who’ll get the opportunity of undressing him (by that he meant removing his T-shirt). Sudden excitement was noticeable among the crowd, consisting mostly females, some of them not in their senses probably.

The drama begins, he selects the three lucky gals, and here’s a fight, who gets it off first? And it doesn’t end here; they rub, pinch and can’t explain what.

Well, surprise surprise … here’s another game… come on gals lets spank these five chosen guys now… doesn’t matter if you even know them remotely. And the insanity of “the sane” people continues.

OK! Call me old fashioned, but I somehow I had difficulty digesting it. So, I puked it out here. Rest experienced janta can tell me if sophisticated modernized people behave this way.

Let The Men Hold Pinkies Campaign

Dear Readers,

I am writing this with a very heavy heart. It’s high time for all of us to unite. We’ve ignored this problem for so long, but now we’ll not any more.

As you know, that out freedom is at stake, freedom to express yourself openly, without any questions arising. I still remember those times when a guy and another guy and roam around freely, without hesitation. Nobody questioned their orientation even when they walk swinging their hand holding their pinkies. I know it sounds too good to be true, but that was such time … the golden 90’s.

But by the end of first decade of 2000 everything has changed. It all started with that vicious big budget multi starrer movie “which can’t be named” (Obviously the writer is referring to Karan Johar’s DOSTANA).

That was the start of actual AD (After Dostana), and within a year everything changed. All the straight male started getting emotionally harassed, by the people they considered their own, their sisters, cousins, friends, gal friends even in worst case their mothers and grandma’s.

They could no more stay alone with another male friend of theirs. Hugging and pulling each other was like a taboo. Shaking hands was allowed but not holding them. We tried to fit us in with all the rules, but still the taunts never stopped, every day every hour, never went without mention of “you know which movie”.

But as I said, It’s time to say no. If we don’t do anything now, then it would be too late. What kind of country do you want to give you male child, the country with every day every hour questions him. How to go out, how to behave with other guys? How would you face you child when he grow up and ask you, why Dad why didn’t you do something when the problem was emerging, why did you waited till it was too late… That moment will definitely suck. Let’s not wait for that moment to arrive, let’s do something now … like the king of rock and roll the great mighty Elvis said ones –“It’s now or never”

So, I humbly urge you all to agree to sign a PIL with me, to put stop to all this right now, let’s make “you know which” movie forbidden to Indian females. And make it illegal to comment on a man and a man relationship. Let’s make this as huge as the pink chaddi campaign.

Let’s tell them, that we are united and we’ll not tolerate this anymore. We will if needed could go till Amaran Anshan(till death hunger strike). We’ll call this …

Let The Men Hold Pinkies Campaign

PS : first Pic Courtesy Shelly.

RED

Out of all the things RED depicts,

One thing is common the emotional extremity,

The RED attire of the bride,

Personification of purity,

RED cloth tying her and the groom,

Representation of integrity

Out of all the things RED depicts,

One thing is common the emotional extremity.

.

.

With the big RED letters

They write the word ‘danger’

And so the expression of going RED

Is used for extreme anger

From sweetness of RED apple

To the spicy hot RED chili

Out of all the things RED depicts,

One thing is common the emotional extremity.

.

.

RED is the color of blood

It is a vital part of the living,

Then again the color RED is

The symbol of sorrow and mourning

From the socialists RED flag

To the reason of bull’s insanity

Out of all the things RED depicts,

One thing is common the emotional extremity.

PS:- BTW if you are wondering about the image … that “red” written in ‘webdings’ font.

Least we can do

It was another rainy Sunday afternoon; no one was home except a lethargic person deep in sleep (that would be me).

Doorbell rang

#pause

Rang again

I lifted my body off the bed; cursing the visitor I opened the door…

There were two guys, mid twenty, with folders in their hands and smile on their face. They were about to leave when I opened the door (Damn! Bad timing).

I thought they were neighbors, since we had never interacted, I asked to come in.

Well, as it turned out soon, they were wipro employees, volunteering for CRY.

Now, it doesn’t take a genius to understand why they were here.

Before I go further, let me state a fact – “I m really bad at saying no, usually I can’t, specially to strangers”

So, they explained me the donation thing and all, and as I saw in the paper the donation amount was mentioned, reluctantly I chose the minimum amount, that was Rs. 1200.

Wrote them a cheque, filled the form, dedicated it to mom (they had some) and done.

Then they went to the next house and I was left cursing myself for giving donation after a salary reduction.

I got over the regret in few days, till today when came across this video through Facebook

And then this post,

We see things around us, think to do something and after some time just forget. That’s what happens almost all the time.

Well, then I received an email from CRY, to thank me for the gesture. And for the first time, I was glad that I wrote that cheque.

I really appreciate the work pulkit and samvedana guys are doing. I know most of us don’t have that much time or/and dedication to put in so much effort.

This is the LEAST WE CAN DO.

blog hacked by a hot girl

This blog has been hacked by a Smoking hot female writer.

From now on, the previous shit head writer will not be posting his stupid ideas on this space. Only the beautiful thoughts, sentimental poems, some recipes and random cute animal pictures will be posted here. Since every nut head cum geeky internet user has to comment on any random post written by a hot (enough to evaporate her sweat) girl, you are obliged to comment on this one too.

Sign –

A girl hotter than Sun’s surface,

(Which is around -15000000K)

Disclaimer: It’s not another lame attempt by a nerd trying to impersonate a hot (enough to burn Chuck Norris alive) girl, to increase the comment count of his blog.

How to be a Road side Romeo for dummies – 2

Part -1

If you think lines like “eh chalti kya”, “jhakaas maal”, “haai! Dil per churiyan chala di”, “palat” and cheap whistling will help you creep out the women and satisfy your sadistic needs … then you have reached the 90’s but you are definitely not prepared enough for the female of 21^st century.

Here is the next chapter of …  Eveteasersdaily #1 bestseller

How to be a successful 21^st century Road side Romeo

For Dummies

Testimonial from Pups (formely – pappu katori)

-          There was the time when mothers used to tell their daughters not to take tedi gali because that’s where pappu katori roam. I had the power to nauseate female from 15 to 50, oh! Those were the golden days. Well things changed and I kind of started losing my charm. Female were less afraid of me, they even stopped making disgusted faces on my comments. But I lost it when they started laughing calling me uncle. I went into depression; it took me 2 years and this awesome book to recover from there. And now I m back baby!! Better than before, now I know where I went wrong … all the hidden secrets of laundiyabaazi, oops sorry the art of eve teasing are here, in this one greatest ever book. There are thousands of humiliated people like me out there, who just can no longer stand the shame of not living up to the mark of our ancestors.

STEP 3: Body Language:

Yes! The body speaks, and much much louder than the (de)silencer of your bike.

1. Learn to pull your belly in and hold it right there … you don’t want to look like some uncle with tummy suspending out of the pant, do you?
2. Spread your chest holding the breath*, as wide as you can. Big hairy chest is an asset very few are blessed with. If you are the one exploit it as much as you can.
3. Make sure your hands do not touch your body while walking, keep your arms 4 inch away from torso and swing them mechanically synchronized with your legs. That’s how manly man walks.
4. Never sit on the rider’s seat while driving the bike, stretch your body move back as much as possible. It’s really important to give the sporty look, doesn’t matter if you have a third class 100 cc bike. And don’t worry about the back pain, u are not going to live long enough for that.
5. If you are in a restaurant, always … put your right leg on the couch or the chair, keep your right hand on it, and keep waving it while talking, don’t forget to eye the girl on the other table.

STEP 4: Mouth Language:

Expressing your evil intensions to the victim is not as easy as it may seem to others. It demands lot hard work and months of practice. Here, I’ll explain how to improve your language skills…

1. I would strongly suggest you to go through the Dictionary of RSR Words like “Dude”, ”Kool”, ”Hot”, “Chick”, “Man”, “Yo”, “sexy”, “babe”, are   the keywords you have learn by heart.

Use random combinations of these words and viola, you are and English genius.

Example:

• Yo dude, you chick look so hot.
• Hey, sexy mama I m kool man.
• The cool Daddy is here sexy hot babe.

2. Slangs are the soul of RSR language. As per the old legends, an RSR who fails to construct his sentence without even a single slang dies the death of a middle class government servant.

But times have changed … you  are no more a sadak chaap mawaali you are well-versed RSR. So, no more maa-ki aur bhen-ki, go international crossing South Park, do it the gangsta style. Like:  BEEP, BEEEEP, BEEPBEEP, BEEEEEEEEEEP, BEEEP, BEEP BEEP BEEP …

(Note:  this portion has been censored to protect the innocence)

3. And if you are dumb (as in 95% of the cases), your cheap Chinese hyper loud mobile can come handy. Beware, don’t put cheap desi (read bhojpuri) songs like “hamka hau chaahi”, “meri chatari ke neeche aaja” “jaalidaar kurti” etc. Not because they are cheap and disgusting, coz that’s what you are, it’s just that these are uncool and surprisingly not irritating enough.

Reshamiya’s meticulously creepy melodies iced with his nasal effects are strongly recommended, it works like a charm.

That’s all for now my lovely dirty students, in the next session,

We’ll be learning the tricks and ways how to locate your prey,

And how to save your ass if it turns out to be gay .

—–

—–

PS:- Took me just just 8 months and 9 days to write the sequel post to the other one.

PS: – The pic is copyright of yashraj films.

Met Creativity at meetings

Well, It’s been more than an year since I entered the corporate world. One most important thing I learned is, how to pretend you are interested in what ever they are talking bout in the meetings, coz you can’t sleep.

Doodling is the best way to show that you are listening and top of that actually scribing that in your note book …

I too started off with doodling … but out of ideas i started sketching my colleges’ faces. Surprisingly some of them turned out pretty well, it was actually looking like them …

Most of my readers, since don’t know them personally may not appreciate it. but that doesn’t stop me from self-praising…

PS : Increased the contrast using picasa … so images might appear little F***D up.

Empire State Building Suicide

She hung her gray cloth coat on the fence at 86^th floor of the Empire-state, put down her pocketbook with several dollars and a make-up kit filled with family pictures.

She gave a last gaze to the note, letters were stroked out but still readable, “He is much better off without me … I wouldn’t make a good wife for anybody”

She dropped the note and herself from the observation deck. Both of them came to rest at the same time, only the note was still at desk and her body was lying with serenity amidst the crumpled wreckage of UN limousine.

.

.

——————-

Inspired by this picture actually,

After jumping from the observation deck, 23-year-old Evelyn McHale plunged over 300 meters down Empire State Building and landed on the roof of a parked UN limousine.

PS : pic taken from here.

Rakhi Sawant ka swayamvar

If u have never heard about “Rakhi Sawant ka Swayamvar”, then please do me a favor and jump off the roof of your building. And if you are sleazy or lazy enough to not compile my request then you can read bout it here .

Once it so happened that I clicked on this youtube link which directed me to NDTV imagine’s youtube page, and I ended up watching all the RSS (read as rakhi sawant’s swayamvar) episode’s there and I am not ashamed of my deed.

.

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The show tells you about the Indian culture; how the princes from different states used to compete with each other to woo the princess with biggest Brr…. I mean Heart in the whole nation. Its like the mythological serial with modern character, “rakhi devi ko dekhte hi saath man bakti bhavna se oot prot ho jaata hai” something of that sort.

If that reason didn’t work for you … then think about this…

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The show is trying really hard to increase the awareness about a serious social issue, i.e. Female Infanticide. Seriously now you can clearly see how worse the conditions are in India when 16 (gabru naujawan) Handsome Hunks (all puns intended) has to contest with each other to marry … Rakhi … yes … the Rakhi Sawant. So, we should all watch the serial to promote such noble cause, devi Rakhi has come up with.

I hope you are convinced now…

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If still not, then please please please watch it for the poor aspiring actors (to be rakhi’s groom), they have sacrificed so much to come in limelight. I mean actually signed up to “might be lawfully wedded husband” of The Rakhi Sawant. They are either out of their mind or really really desperate.

I m really sympathetic to all of them … which so much capability and originality going without notice.

Some of my favorites, in increasing order of their “pwnaapa“

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Lurrrv Khanna: comparing Raki ji to sita mayyia … How original … so deep … heart pondering … hamana hamana hamana

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Man – moh- na tivaari :I just love this guy … giving amma ka kangan … *sob* *sob*  kya senti shayari … more *sob* *sob*

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Ass-Win Chowdharee : “Oh maai gaad, amai-zzing … same color ” I m fan of his dialogue delivery. every time he say’s “amaizzing” a hot gal dies of the exposer to mere amazingness …

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Shit-is jain : I bow to thy awesomeness just love his expression at 0:35 of the video and the pose at 0:38 killer baap …

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Alright, that’s all I could do to persuade you … if you still feel like giving this show a skip… then read the PS….

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PS : The best thing about the show is, it proves why they call the TV an Idiot Box.