Please change but not for me

So here’s a thing about people, be it your family, friends or colleagues. Every single one of them have a suggestion for you, things you need to change.

Say for example, you don’t like hurting people by saying no to their request. And you end up doing things you don’t like, going to places you don’t wanna go.

Now, your close and concerned friend will tell, dude grow up… learn to say no. Do what you like.

It takes some time but you starts to get it, and starts practicing it.

Now, the same friend comes to you asking for a something you totally detest but used to agree to do before. Now when you deny (After this person’s suggestion) you are changed. You are not the same friends as you used to be.

 

Don’t get me started on the relatives now ….

 

So effectively the conclusion is … You can’t escape it. You were born doomed ….

The ‘U’ Word

“Uncle, Please pass the ball”,

“Uncle, Can you help me out here?” ,

“There it is Uncle” …

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If you get to hear the ‘U’ word more than once a day, from more than two kids … Well congratulations you’ve just graduated from Bhaiya(brother) to Uncle. All of us, well in their mid twenties, have to go through this painful phase.

Like increase in hair-fall, the first white hair, gain in waist size and of-course nagging for marriage at home wasn’t enough. The vicious little kids have to refer us with the ‘U’ word every frikin time.

This always remind me of a particular character from a very popular 90’s TV series Hum Paanch, Certain Miss Pooja Aunty. She use to jump 4 feet if one of girls call her Aunty. It used to be super funny back then … I guess now I know her pain!!

On the same line there use to an advertisement for hair dye, Don’t remember the brand exactly … but in that add too there was the lady who realize she’s getting old after a young boy calls her aunty … and she immediately resort to the anti-aging miracle the kesh kala.Since I can’t locate that add on the Internet … Enjoy this instead … 😉

Though I’ve only come across examples of unhappy females … but let me tell you, we guys are not so fond of the ‘U’ word either. And lucky for ladies … they only get the Aunty tag after getting married.

Of course, It’s the phase of life we all have to go through eventually, but the only thing is we are never seems to be ready to accept it.

It’s funny, how we always prefer being called a MAN instead of a BOY but we are still allergic to UNCLE and feel cozy with the word BHAIYA.

A Roller Coaster Ride – book review

I don’t write book reviews, hell I don’t even read a lot of books. But this particular book kind of forced me to do so.

 

Few days back I was browsing through infibeam and came across this book thought it would be a good time-pass for a boring journey. How terribly wrong I was.

It was a big bag of cliches with really bad proof reading. I mean I know I am not a grammarian myself, rather really bad at it but people at Sristhi Publishers have surpassed me hands down.

And to add to my frustration there were really really positive review for it on flip-kart and Infibeam, but when someone called it a masterpiece … a part of me literally died.

 

The writer of the book, seems to be very confused so he fused all the mirch-masala possible in this book, and ended up cooking a dish which doesn’t even look good, leave alone the taste.

 

Story : well I tried thrice writing it down … but fell short of words to describe to stupidensiocity of it. (of course that’s a made up word, sue me)

 

Why Am I so frust : Because I being a cheap, bought the original book and being lazy, read the whole book.

 

I strongly recommend you to chop your hands with a machete before you lay them on this “masterpiece”.

 

PS:- I don’t know how to write a book review, you may refer to this for some sensible and rest nonsense reviews.

PS:– My apologies to the writer and the publisher for such negativity, but Yeh! It was that bad.

PS:— Image source – this.

A letter from Kallu madraasi

Dear relatives (from North India),

You calling me a madraasi doesn’t offend me at all. But it does annoy me, because of the mere fact that Madras presidency stopped existing after 1956 and the city of Madras is now known as Chennai.

Govt. of India formed states based on the language people speak, The four South Indian states with the language and the people are :-

1. Karnataka -> Kannada -> Kannadigas

2. Andhra Pradesh -> Telugu -> Telugu

3. Tamil Nadu ->  Tamil -> Tamil

4. Kerala -> Malayalam -> Malayali

So, for the next time you can use any of these four. Though speaking based on my current geographical location, you may call me “Hyderabadi” or “Telugu” or to always be on the safer side “South Indian” :).

Yours,

– Kallu Madraasi

PS:- This was just an FYI post, if you feel like digging more … you may check namrata‘s post.

PS:– I might have used the word relatives, but it was meant for every North Indian of their generation specifically.

PS:— Still searching for a house 😦 …

Relationships and Guardians

OK this isn’t my kind of post, but this is something I need to share with my readers (if any left).

Most of you “STUDDS” and “REBELLION” types already knows it, but my kind might not be aware of it or think it’s a good thing to do. But trust me, never ever be totally honest bout your relationships with your guardians (includes parents and relatives of their generation).

Why?

Coz they’ll say that treat them as your friend, and you can tell them every thing. Hell! they’ll even tease you often asking bout your gal friends or boy friends or both … or … Whatever …

But never ever tell them bout it …. don’t break … because if you do so … you are DOOMED …. totally

first, all you relatives will know bout it … at least the most annoying one’s.

second, You’ll get a taunt every time some thing even remotely related to that is mentioned.

third, The continuous teasing and nagging of course … i know i mentioned it already but … you know …

You might find it fun in the beginning but don’t flatter yourself with sudden attention. Every new monkey in the zoo get that … But after some time it only reduce to daily tail pulling job.

If you still don’t believe me … well go ahead …. what do I care …

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PS:- Based on past experience of many of my friends.

PS:– Not me … totally not me … I m a very very good boy mommy*.

PS:— Nothing more to read here now …

PS:—- yeh! house hunt sucks … If any one is aware of a decent 2 BHK in or around Hitech-city, please let me know 🙂

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*(psst! I’ve hear my parents have been exposed to the existence of my blog)

Weird night at a club

Date:  4^th November, Wednesday

Place: 10^th Downing Street, Hyderabad

Occasion: Nothing, just ladies night

It probably was just another day for a popular club at Hyderabad. It was ladies night, means free drinks and sacks for ladies till 10 PM. The not so huge place was crowded with females ranging from 21 (legally, would be less) to I don’t know 50 may be. No guys allowed. Things were fine, DJ was playing popular tracks and rests were shaking their legs.

Guy friends, Cousins, Boyfriends, Husbands (mostly someone else’s) waiting outside for the clock to stuck 10 and they can get an entry. Wait’s over its, guys are in and here comes A local male model (let’s call him X).

Now, Mr. X gets up to the center stage and announce that he is going to choose three lucky gals who’ll get the opportunity of undressing him (by that he meant removing his T-shirt). Sudden excitement was noticeable among the crowd, consisting mostly females, some of them not in their senses probably.

The drama begins, he selects the three lucky gals, and here’s a fight, who gets it off first? And it doesn’t end here; they rub, pinch and can’t explain what.

Well, surprise surprise … here’s another game… come on gals lets spank these five chosen guys now… doesn’t matter if you even know them remotely. And the insanity of “the sane” people continues.

OK! Call me old fashioned, but I somehow I had difficulty digesting it. So, I puked it out here. Rest experienced janta can tell me if sophisticated modernized people behave this way.

Let The Men Hold Pinkies Campaign

Dear Readers,

I am writing this with a very heavy heart. It’s high time for all of us to unite. We’ve ignored this problem for so long, but now we’ll not any more.

As you know, that out freedom is at stake, freedom to express yourself openly, without any questions arising. I still remember those times when a guy and another guy and roam around freely, without hesitation. Nobody questioned their orientation even when they walk swinging their hand holding their pinkies. I know it sounds too good to be true, but that was such time … the golden 90’s.

But by the end of first decade of 2000 everything has changed. It all started with that vicious big budget multi starrer movie “which can’t be named” (Obviously the writer is referring to Karan Johar’s DOSTANA).

That was the start of actual AD (After Dostana), and within a year everything changed. All the straight male started getting emotionally harassed, by the people they considered their own, their sisters, cousins, friends, gal friends even in worst case their mothers and grandma’s.

They could no more stay alone with another male friend of theirs. Hugging and pulling each other was like a taboo. Shaking hands was allowed but not holding them. We tried to fit us in with all the rules, but still the taunts never stopped, every day every hour, never went without mention of “you know which movie”.

But as I said, It’s time to say no. If we don’t do anything now, then it would be too late. What kind of country do you want to give you male child, the country with every day every hour questions him. How to go out, how to behave with other guys? How would you face you child when he grow up and ask you, why Dad why didn’t you do something when the problem was emerging, why did you waited till it was too late… That moment will definitely suck. Let’s not wait for that moment to arrive, let’s do something now … like the king of rock and roll the great mighty Elvis said ones –“It’s now or never”

So, I humbly urge you all to agree to sign a PIL with me, to put stop to all this right now, let’s make “you know which” movie forbidden to Indian females. And make it illegal to comment on a man and a man relationship. Let’s make this as huge as the pink chaddi campaign.

Let’s tell them, that we are united and we’ll not tolerate this anymore. We will if needed could go till Amaran Anshan(till death hunger strike). We’ll call this …

PS : first Pic Courtesy Shelly.

The Bestest holi

Dear blog,

This is has been my best holi so far. I did so much today you know…

I slept at 3 AM last night and was mercilessly woken up by the maid. She is such a sweet lady I tell you … so over punctual, I asked her to come at 11 AM … but she rang the bell at 8:45 sharp…

You know its so much fun to go down 2 floors and open 3 doors for the maid when you are half sleep. And my flat mate, such a nice guy he is, didn’t get up to open the doors though he was awake.

Anyways, she cleaned the house and I fell on the bed again … sweet dreams till 11:00 AM.

After rise and shine I went in the kitchen to make breakfast cum lunch … or should I say “brunch”…

So, I warmed milk, and made uthapam* which tasted like shit … nothing is more satisfying then wasted feeling with crappy food to eat…

And it stuck 1:00 PM on the clock. So, I switch on the PC and here I am with you, scribing down my brain out…

BTW, Happy Holi …!!

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PS: – Uthapam is some thing I m good at cooking … but today was a f***ed up day.

PS: — Missed holi celebration @ college.

Valentine’s day special …

Three things you should know to survive in corporate world

1. Don’t always accept your mistakes.

2. Keep the record of all the conversation you have with your colleagues.

3. Don’t ever cover up for others.

OR

simply … do opposite of what I do… !!