Arranged Marriages

Of course … 

 

You would definitely have seen this coming. 

 

I am not defending it, or supporting it. I am just getting annoyed over the memes & facebook posts like these … 

 

 

I mean come on … you are all giving us a bad name … Arranged marriage isn’t all about SEX…

 

 

It’s the expression of respect to our parents and their choice …  

 

 

And I need not remind you how successful arranged marriages are.

Thanks to arranged marriages, divorce rate is very less in india …

 

So, what I am saying is don’t jump the wagon … and assume it’s all bad. 

Your parents knows world a lot better than you do.

With arranged marriage you’ve a better chance of finding a nice, caring, intelligent, well behaved & PRETTY girl.

 

So all you self dependent guys (The Males) being foul mouth about Arranged Marriages.

If you’ve a girl in life (really ? oh well congrats ) be a man … and go be her man. 

Else, i think you are afraid to breakup with your right hand.

 

Last point … you don’t marry a complete stranger. They give you few weeks or sometimes months to know each other.

 

 

 

PS:- The dead blogger rise again. After lot of motivation from the wife.

PS:– No intended disrespect to anyone, except for congress party … FU Con-dis-grace 

Dear Blog…

It’s been very long, since I visited you. I am sorry I’ve been cheating on you with work. The rat race got to me and got me drifted away from you.

Yesterday, while talking to my better half, I recalled you and then I realized how I grew up with you..

Our relationship lasted for a good 6+ years, but last one and half year marked our time completely apart, I did see you some time from distance but never spoke a word …

But no worries, Now is the time to revive and I am back …  I promise you minimum one post a month.

Chal ! cya … take care 😉

Be gentle with the visiting reader 😉

I demand a separate State too

Have been following the TRS and KCR kartoots and it made me realize that if they can demand for a new state for them selves as they’ve been discriminated all along. I think I’ve all the right to do that too …

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So i Demand a new separate state for Left-Handers, after all there are almost 60-70 millions of us around.

The extent of discrimination and humiliation we’ve to go through is inexplicable. These “Righties” have made every thing so so convenient for them forgetting about our existence.

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They use their right palm to shake hands, pointing at some one, making air figures, man to hand thingie and all such cool things.

But they’ll use their left hand to ask for lift, or jerk it to say ok tata bye bye,  and Indians … they use left hand for to wash them off after doing …. oh my god i can’t even say that … Its such disgrace to the left hand …

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Tell me how many of you have to write notes in class sitting on chair with notebook support on right. And don’t get me stated on the right handed guitars, scissors, mouse, golf clubs, tin-openers, potato peelers, corkscrews, rulers, number keys on keyboards, watches, chequebooks, boomerangs, measuring cups and pencil sharpeners … the list goes on and on …

Even firearms are designed considering the right-handed person in mind, so that left-handed junta will not be able to use them properly for their protection. I am telling you, its all a well planned conspiracy to wipe out the left-handed population from the face of earth.

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They call us, south-paw (US), crack-handed (British), khabbo (India), sinitera (latin), gauche (french) and what not.

Given that we lefties earn more and hence pay more taxes then the “right” counterpart. And what are they spending in on … more “righties” favorable products.

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But not any more, come my left-handed fellows … lets show this world our true power, let us call for a band, destroy some public property and probably make some retard to go on an “amaran anshaan” too. But we’ll get a new state for us too ….

And if government is stupid enough to agree, we’ll start fighting for a separate country.

We shall call out party …

TRS (These Righties Sucks)

and I’ll be your leader

KCR (Krusty Crab Rambo)

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I’ve one last question to ask these filthy righties …. why is that you can “rightly write right from your right hand” but we can’t “leftly left left from our left hand”

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I m just a human being like you all left handed people …  Only that I ask questions ……

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Let The Men Hold Pinkies Campaign

Dear Readers,

I am writing this with a very heavy heart. It’s high time for all of us to unite. We’ve ignored this problem for so long, but now we’ll not any more.

As you know, that out freedom is at stake, freedom to express yourself openly, without any questions arising. I still remember those times when a guy and another guy and roam around freely, without hesitation. Nobody questioned their orientation even when they walk swinging their hand holding their pinkies. I know it sounds too good to be true, but that was such time … the golden 90’s.

But by the end of first decade of 2000 everything has changed. It all started with that vicious big budget multi starrer movie “which can’t be named” (Obviously the writer is referring to Karan Johar’s DOSTANA).

That was the start of actual AD (After Dostana), and within a year everything changed. All the straight male started getting emotionally harassed, by the people they considered their own, their sisters, cousins, friends, gal friends even in worst case their mothers and grandma’s.

They could no more stay alone with another male friend of theirs. Hugging and pulling each other was like a taboo. Shaking hands was allowed but not holding them. We tried to fit us in with all the rules, but still the taunts never stopped, every day every hour, never went without mention of “you know which movie”.

But as I said, It’s time to say no. If we don’t do anything now, then it would be too late. What kind of country do you want to give you male child, the country with every day every hour questions him. How to go out, how to behave with other guys? How would you face you child when he grow up and ask you, why Dad why didn’t you do something when the problem was emerging, why did you waited till it was too late… That moment will definitely suck. Let’s not wait for that moment to arrive, let’s do something now … like the king of rock and roll the great mighty Elvis said ones –“It’s now or never”

So, I humbly urge you all to agree to sign a PIL with me, to put stop to all this right now, let’s make “you know which” movie forbidden to Indian females. And make it illegal to comment on a man and a man relationship. Let’s make this as huge as the pink chaddi campaign.

Let’s tell them, that we are united and we’ll not tolerate this anymore. We will if needed could go till Amaran Anshan(till death hunger strike). We’ll call this …

PS : first Pic Courtesy Shelly.

blog hacked by a hot girl

This blog has been hacked by a Smoking hot female writer.

From now on, the previous shit head writer will not be posting his stupid ideas on this space. Only the beautiful thoughts, sentimental poems, some recipes and random cute animal pictures will be posted here. Since every nut head cum geeky internet user has to comment on any random post written by a hot (enough to evaporate her sweat) girl, you are obliged to comment on this one too.

Sign –

A girl hotter than Sun’s surface,

(Which is around -15000000K)

Disclaimer: It’s not another lame attempt by a nerd trying to impersonate a hot (enough to burn Chuck Norris alive) girl, to increase the comment count of his blog.

How to be a Road side Romeo for dummies – 2

Part -1

If you think lines like “eh chalti kya”, “jhakaas maal”, “haai! Dil per churiyan chala di”, “palat” and cheap whistling will help you creep out the women and satisfy your sadistic needs … then you have reached the 90’s but you are definitely not prepared enough for the female of 21^st century.

Here is the next chapter of …  Eveteasersdaily #1 bestseller

How to be a successful 21^st century Road side Romeo

For Dummies

Testimonial from Pups (formely – pappu katori)

–          There was the time when mothers used to tell their daughters not to take tedi gali because that’s where pappu katori roam. I had the power to nauseate female from 15 to 50, oh! Those were the golden days. Well things changed and I kind of started losing my charm. Female were less afraid of me, they even stopped making disgusted faces on my comments. But I lost it when they started laughing calling me uncle. I went into depression; it took me 2 years and this awesome book to recover from there. And now I m back baby!! Better than before, now I know where I went wrong … all the hidden secrets of laundiyabaazi, oops sorry the art of eve teasing are here, in this one greatest ever book. There are thousands of humiliated people like me out there, who just can no longer stand the shame of not living up to the mark of our ancestors.

STEP 3: Body Language:

Yes! The body speaks, and much much louder than the (de)silencer of your bike.

1. Learn to pull your belly in and hold it right there … you don’t want to look like some uncle with tummy suspending out of the pant, do you?
2. Spread your chest holding the breath*, as wide as you can. Big hairy chest is an asset very few are blessed with. If you are the one exploit it as much as you can.
3. Make sure your hands do not touch your body while walking, keep your arms 4 inch away from torso and swing them mechanically synchronized with your legs. That’s how manly man walks.
4. Never sit on the rider’s seat while driving the bike, stretch your body move back as much as possible. It’s really important to give the sporty look, doesn’t matter if you have a third class 100 cc bike. And don’t worry about the back pain, u are not going to live long enough for that.
5. If you are in a restaurant, always … put your right leg on the couch or the chair, keep your right hand on it, and keep waving it while talking, don’t forget to eye the girl on the other table.

STEP 4: Mouth Language:

Expressing your evil intensions to the victim is not as easy as it may seem to others. It demands lot hard work and months of practice. Here, I’ll explain how to improve your language skills…

1. I would strongly suggest you to go through the Dictionary of RSR Words like “Dude”, ”Kool”, ”Hot”, “Chick”, “Man”, “Yo”, “sexy”, “babe”, are   the keywords you have learn by heart.

Use random combinations of these words and viola, you are and English genius.

Example:

• Yo dude, you chick look so hot.
• Hey, sexy mama I m kool man.
• The cool Daddy is here sexy hot babe.

2. Slangs are the soul of RSR language. As per the old legends, an RSR who fails to construct his sentence without even a single slang dies the death of a middle class government servant.

But times have changed … you  are no more a sadak chaap mawaali you are well-versed RSR. So, no more maa-ki aur bhen-ki, go international crossing South Park, do it the gangsta style. Like:  BEEP, BEEEEP, BEEPBEEP, BEEEEEEEEEEP, BEEEP, BEEP BEEP BEEP …

(Note:  this portion has been censored to protect the innocence)

3. And if you are dumb (as in 95% of the cases), your cheap Chinese hyper loud mobile can come handy. Beware, don’t put cheap desi (read bhojpuri) songs like “hamka hau chaahi”, “meri chatari ke neeche aaja” “jaalidaar kurti” etc. Not because they are cheap and disgusting, coz that’s what you are, it’s just that these are uncool and surprisingly not irritating enough.

Reshamiya’s meticulously creepy melodies iced with his nasal effects are strongly recommended, it works like a charm.

That’s all for now my lovely dirty students, in the next session,

We’ll be learning the tricks and ways how to locate your prey,

And how to save your ass if it turns out to be gay .

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PS:- Took me just just 8 months and 9 days to write the sequel post to the other one.

PS: – The pic is copyright of yashraj films.

Nano Parking

Tata’s 1 Lac Nano will be on road’s soon. And if we go by predictions, there is going to be a huge parking problem with the mass sale of this car (apart from high oil consumption and heavy traffic). Being a responsible citizen of the glorious nation of United and secular states of India(on paper)  i’ve come up with a RAM-ARROW (raambaan) soluiton. Have a look…

PS: just don’t forget to carry a black (preferably red) sketch pen with you.

The Bestest holi

Dear blog,

This is has been my best holi so far. I did so much today you know…

I slept at 3 AM last night and was mercilessly woken up by the maid. She is such a sweet lady I tell you … so over punctual, I asked her to come at 11 AM … but she rang the bell at 8:45 sharp…

You know its so much fun to go down 2 floors and open 3 doors for the maid when you are half sleep. And my flat mate, such a nice guy he is, didn’t get up to open the doors though he was awake.

Anyways, she cleaned the house and I fell on the bed again … sweet dreams till 11:00 AM.

After rise and shine I went in the kitchen to make breakfast cum lunch … or should I say “brunch”…

So, I warmed milk, and made uthapam* which tasted like shit … nothing is more satisfying then wasted feeling with crappy food to eat…

And it stuck 1:00 PM on the clock. So, I switch on the PC and here I am with you, scribing down my brain out…

BTW, Happy Holi …!!

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PS: – Uthapam is some thing I m good at cooking … but today was a f***ed up day.

PS: — Missed holi celebration @ college.

HOW TO BE KOOL

PS :- TOTALLY UNRELATED LINK : some awesome new optical illusions i came across few days back.

PS :– So missed a prof… back from college, while making this strip… (All Caps)

PS :— All the misspellings and screwed up grammer is intentional.

How to be a Road side Romeo for dummies – 1

If you think wearing a skin tight T-shirts, tying handkerchief around neck, having mole on left cheek and whistling at any female passing by… makes you a Road side Romeo then you are still living in the 80s.

This one is just for you …

How to be a successful 21^st century Road side Romeo

For Dummies

from then

to Now

Step 1: Stuff Needed …

1. A shirt with first two buttons torn off.
2. Hair color and Hair Gel (vertical hold).
3. A bike or a 2^nd hand car (RSR never owns a new car … NEVER).
4. Two Chinese mobile phone with really loud speakers.
5. A metal chain, a metal bracelet, metal earring, metal rings. (Because wearing metal jewelry indicates you have the X-factor).
6. A lot … I mean a lot of super strong perfume.
7. Any random jeans.
8. Don’t worry about shoes … that’s the last thing anyone will notice bout u.

Step 2: Getting ready…

Let’s start with your vehicle …

Have a bike; goto 1.

Have a Car; goto 2.

Have a cycle; stop reading right here and go watch Pokémon.

1. Irrespective of which bike you have, you need to do certain modifications
   1. Remove the mudguard from the back (to hell with shit from potholes decorating your shirt from back)
   2. Replace the back tire with the biggest tire you can fit there.
   3. The most important, make sure you get your silencer modified, so it make louder manly noise.
   4. When everything is done, get weirdest possible sticker from market and put them all over your bike and make sure few of them has your name, your bro’s name, your first doggy’s and the first gal you had hots for name on them. (this shows how caring you could be)
2. So you got yourself a 2^nd hand car … good… you are safe from the flying shoes!! Now…
   1. Get a music system, loud… really loud… loud enough to scare the hell out of the gal, when you pull over close to her.
   2. Lot of LED’s put them on number plate, bumper even under the car. (helpful when eve teasing in the evening)
   3. Step d from the bike section.
3. Repeat after me, “I hate vest” … “I hate vest” … now put that shirt on (remember to unbutton top two button if there are any), let your chest hair breath in the free world. It is not disgusting it’s manly.
4. Take a blade and cut your jeans from places … no one expect it to be… (the details has been removed to protect the innocence)
5. Hope you have got your hair colored… only at the tip of your head. Get a handful of gel and rub it all over your head … Remember that guy from the advertisement, you have to have more wackier hair style then him.
6. Here comes the final touch, take a bath … (yew rite a bath after dressing up) in the super strong perfume you bought … make sure, people around you die sneezing, coz they can’t stand the smell of awesomeness you have in 100mt radius around you.
   

I think you are good to go now …

Steps and pickup lines to pataoofy a wuman … in the next issue of How to be a successful 21st century Road side Romeo for Dummies

PS : Image credits then and now.