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The ‘U’ Word

1 May

“Uncle, Please pass the ball”,

“Uncle, Can you help me out here?” ,

“There it is Uncle” …

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If you get to hear the ‘U’ word more than once a day, from more than two kids … Well congratulations you’ve just graduated from Bhaiya(brother) to Uncle. All of us, well in their mid twenties, have to go through this painful phase.

Like increase in hair-fall, the first white hair, gain in waist size and of-course nagging for marriage at home wasn’t enough. The vicious little kids have to refer us with the ‘U’ word every frikin time.

This always remind me of a particular character from a very popular 90’s TV series Hum Paanch, Certain Miss Pooja Aunty. She use to jump 4 feet if one of girls call her Aunty. It used to be super funny back then … I guess now I know her pain!!

On the same line there use to an advertisement for hair dye, Don’t remember the brand exactly … but in that add too there was the lady who realize she’s getting old after a young boy calls her aunty … and she immediately resort to the anti-aging miracle the kesh kala.Since I can’t locate that add on the Internet … Enjoy this instead … 😉

Though I’ve only come across examples of unhappy females … but let me tell you, we guys are not so fond of the ‘U’ word either. And lucky for ladies … they only get the Aunty tag after getting married.

Of course, It’s the phase of life we all have to go through eventually, but the only thing is we are never seems to be ready to accept it.

It’s funny, how we always prefer being called a MAN instead of a BOY but we are still allergic to UNCLE and feel cozy with the word BHAIYA.

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untidy cleanliness

20 Sep

My response to every one who accuse me of keeping my room untidy …

सफाई तो बस पल दो पल की साथी है,
आज करो कल फिर चली जाती है |
गन्दगी ही तो अपनी प्रिये है,
समय के साथ बढती ही जाती है ||

For those who can’t read devnagri:-

safai to bas pal do pal ki saathi hai
aaj karo aur kal phir chali jaati hai …
gandagi hi toh apni priye hai …
samay ke saath saath badati jaati hai !!

PS : figure source.

PS: thanks to Nnilpa, for provoking me to write this … 🙂

A letter from Kallu madraasi

10 Jun

Dear relatives (from North India),

You calling me a madraasi doesn’t offend me at all. But it does annoy me, because of the mere fact that Madras presidency stopped existing after 1956 and the city of Madras is now known as Chennai.

Govt. of India formed states based on the language people speak, The four South Indian states with the language and the people are :-

1. Karnataka -> Kannada -> Kannadigas

2. Andhra Pradesh -> Telugu -> Telugu

3. Tamil Nadu ->  Tamil -> Tamil

4. Kerala -> Malayalam -> Malayali

So, for the next time you can use any of these four. Though speaking based on my current geographical location, you may call me “Hyderabadi” or “Telugu” or to always be on the safer side “South Indian” :).

Yours,

– Kallu Madraasi

PS:- This was just an FYI post, if you feel like digging more … you may check namrata‘s post.

PS:– I might have used the word relatives, but it was meant for every North Indian of their generation specifically.

PS:— Still searching for a house 😦 …

Relationships and Guardians

8 Jun

OK this isn’t my kind of post, but this is something I need to share with my readers (if any left).

Most of you “STUDDS” and “REBELLION” types already knows it, but my kind might not be aware of it or think it’s a good thing to do. But trust me, never ever be totally honest bout your relationships with your guardians (includes parents and relatives of their generation).

Why?

Coz they’ll say that treat them as your friend, and you can tell them every thing. Hell! they’ll even tease you often asking bout your gal friends or boy friends or both … or … Whatever …

But never ever tell them bout it …. don’t break … because if you do so … you are DOOMED …. totally

first, all you relatives will know bout it … at least the most annoying one’s.

second, You’ll get a taunt every time some thing even remotely related to that is mentioned.

third, The continuous teasing and nagging of course … i know i mentioned it already but … you know …

You might find it fun in the beginning but don’t flatter yourself with sudden attention. Every new monkey in the zoo get that … But after some time it only reduce to daily tail pulling job.

If you still don’t believe me … well go ahead …. what do I care …

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PS:- Based on past experience of many of my friends.

PS:– Not me … totally not me … I m a very very good boy mommy*.

PS:— Nothing more to read here now …

PS:—- yeh! house hunt sucks … If any one is aware of a decent 2 BHK in or around Hitech-city, please let me know 🙂

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*(psst! I’ve hear my parents have been exposed to the existence of my blog)

40 questions

23 Feb

1. My uncle once: made me attend Asha Ram Bapu’s Pravachan, It turned out to be much painful then digging up the ground and hiding his body in the backyard ….

2. Never in my life: I’ve lied . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . After 4 pegs of Scotch.

3.When I was five: I used to believe kids are born when you marry a girl and hug her.

4.High School was: full of teenage stupidity, wish i’ve not been the sane one around.

5.I will never forget: the time I told some one that i bought chocolates for her, because they were lying in my house and I had to finish them …. aaargh …. isstoopid …

6.I once met: my doppelganger, later realized that I was drunk and was looking at a mirror.

7. There’s this girl I know who: is a big movie star, unfortunately she don’t know me 😦

8. Once, at a bar: i saw a guy with no hands drinking. Later I realized it was dark, he was black …. and I m racist 😀

9. By noon, I’m usually: in office, tweeting or writing such random posts.

10. Last night: will not be “last night” tomorrow.

11. If only I had: the address of stacy’s house ….

parental guidance adviced … 😉

12. Next time I go to the Temple: I promise not to steal shoes and sandals, unless of-course they are new and branded.

13. Rakhi Sawant: Is the best (RS) thing that has happened to the Indian Television since Ramanand Sagar.

14. What worries me most: is the condition of poor, hungry, and undernourished kids in Northern Africa and models in North America.

15. When I turn my head left, I see: a laptop, a desktop, a palmtop and a cyborg living in harmony.

16. When I turn my head right, I see: A so called white board, which has run out space to accumulate any more black, blue, green or red ink marks.

17. You know I’m lying when: when I can see the fan, without turning my head up.

18. What I miss most about the nineties: mile sur mera tumahra, was shorter and better.

19. If I was a character in Shakespeare, I’d be: langada tyagi bahubali …. (Othello –> Omkaara 😀 )

20. By this time next year: I’ll be at the same place, writing same shit over and over again.

21. A better name for me would be: shri shri 1008 ankiteshwar maharaj

22. I have a hard time understanding: things I don’t really understand.

23. If I ever go back to school, I’ll: beat up that fat bully from class 3rd and buy infinite many flag candies and won’t share it with any one.

24. You know I like you if: I try and ignore you or say stupid thing out of nervousness.

25. If I ever won an award, the first person I’d thank would be: the person who made sure Kanye West is not around.

26. Sachin Tendulkar, Mozart, Sonia Gandhi & Ronaldo: none of them, it has be Dada Kondake for making such master piece…

27.Take my advice, never: be a straight man in a gay world.

28. My ideal breakfast is: human brainz

29. A song I love, but do not own is: yaaron maine panga le liye – Altaf Raja

30. If you visit my hometown, I suggest: not to mention my current location to certain people

31. Tulips, character flaws, microchips, & track stars: microchips with salsa sauce

32. Why won’t people: leave Britney spears alone ?

33.If you spend the night at my house: you’ll be awarded with this …

34. I’d stop my wedding for: Any gal hotter than the one I would be marrying 😛

35. The world could do without: Gracy Singh, no no, not because she was the boring side kick in Munna bhai MBBS and Lagan or because she could only weep properly in her TV series Amanat.  But coz of the mere fact that she couldn’t  even come close to the awe-fucking-someness of Kamal khan in Deshdrohi …

36. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: buying the ticket to watch “My Name is Khan”

37. My favorite blonde is: Blondes are dumb … i not like dumb … i favorite brunet … they have big B’s …  brains i mean ee haa … !!

38: Paper clips are more useful than: The breaking news updates from India TV, Aaj tak  and Star News combined.

39. If I do anything well, it’s: definitely not me…

40. And by the way: I’ve successfully wasted your 20 min. And you will never get it back …. and here i present you with my sadistic laughter muhahaha  muhahaha !!

PS :- Another tag shamelessly lifted from here.

PS :– stole some pics from here and here.

PS :— Of course its a tag post … so i’ve to tag fellow blogger … i tag –> Laaf@life, ORB, Ayesha , Shark , sultan , abhishek , Pankaj and of-course all other readers … of this blog 🙂

PS :—- yu ki note karne vaali baat yeh hai, ki maine un sabko tag kiya hai jinke comments mujhe history main dikhe … individual blog links search karna is such a pain 😀

Salsa, Accident, Shaktimaan and how I got my bike stolen

28 Jan

So, I was on my way to salsa “test” class, earplugs attached to my ears were singing a random track from my mp3 player, road was open, way was clear, was going to overtake Mahindra Maxx from of-course left side. Twisting Accelerator 40.. 50… 55 … 59  . . . . . . . . . and 40.. 20.. 5 .. 0.02 and Zoom, I was in the air for good 5 mili seconds.

Here is screen-shot of the animation News channels showed only ten thousand times to their visibly (probably mentally) challenged viewers.

Thank god for helmet, my million dollar worth pretty face was safe. Although I did manage to get wounds on both of my knees and my right hand, given that i fell towards my left. So, apparently not only I flew, I even rotated 90 degrees on my axis.

Conclusion 1 : I did a Shaktimaan thing … not the superman one, uber Cool … !!

Landing wasn’t very pleasant, there were potholes filled with muck, waiting there to decorate my light color shirt and new jeans.

When I stood up covered in dirt, the earplugs were still intact and the song i could hear was BEP’s “tonight is going to be a good night” …. hah!! Irony ….

And the poor guy was standing there sheepishly, surrounded by crowd abusing him, coz he had a bigger vehicle. So no matter what, its his fault. And I was thinking of getting out of there and see if I can still make it to the class.

My Expensive (pitaji ki di hui) watch was broken, The shiny bike (since i got it serviced that day itself) was not that shiny any more with legguard, handle, indicator not at there correct places  … But still i was feeling sympathetic to that guy or may be i just wanted to go off the scene …

And to my luck … the police showed up. Before they could’ve made it any worse, I accepted others’ suggestion and left with that guy in his vehicle for a hospital, believing that his “baccha (second in command)” will get it repaired.

Oh! and was I wrong, he took me to his house to wash my wounds. and …

1. I had to clean my wounds in an open area,

2. His mom kept asking me questions (in telugu)

3. I was suddenly a monkey in the big mauhalla and every-one couldn’t resist staring at me. some people even came from their house to this guy’s house to see me. Ok I know I’ve got smoking hot body with not 6 or 8 but a full family pack, But still …

Conclusion 2: Fame comes at a cost of sacrificing personal privacy. Now I know how Britney feels 😀

After 15 minutes this guy (Madhu, As his mother was screaming at him using this name) came with his Baccha and one more guy, and asked me if the person with me got my bike…

I was like ….

They stole my bike, it was probably all a setup, to steal my bike… Those people from the road side were also involved, may be the policeman too. It could be a big gang, who steal vehicles… I m  not going to leave them, I am an IT guy I’ve the power of information …. What if they kill me ….  no no no … I want my mommy … I don’t want a bike … It was old anyways … I can go to office with ‘Malik’ …. etc. etc..

Yeh, seriously all this went through my mind when i had that FUUU expression on my face.

Conclution 3 : Never trust people, specially a 25+ yr person whom ppl still call “baccha”.

Hence, I forgot about everything else and went with them to search for my bike (Actually to get out of their area at-least). And that was when i spotted my bike parked out of a Tea-stall. Oh it was a blissful moment, like the slow motion run and hug scene from the 80’s love stories. Quite a bit like this …

Not from the movie of course … but you got the picture right ;).

And as it turned out, that Tea-stall guy parked it there, so that police won’t tow-away my bike….

Conclusion 4 : Some times its owkay to trust people … just make sure they are not 25+ yr old and still goes by pet name “baccha”.

So, I got my bike back, requested god to not make my evening any more eventful, and I left that place …

PS:- Went to bidar(130 Km form hyderabad) of bike very next day.

PS:– Got a Titnes shot 36 hours after the accident.

PS:— Still limping little bit.

PS:—- No plans still to see a doctor.

Tina Fey

16 Dec

Well this certainly is the topic I’ve always tried to avoid writing about… But after three Season’s of “30 Rock” and numerous youtube videos, I just couldn’t resist to confess my lurrrv for Tina Fey.

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I know she’s 15 years older than me, but did that stopped Melania Knauss from marrying Donald Trump or Jesus Luz form Dating Madonna ….   Niiiyyooooo  !!!

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So don’t give me that title of yours “Lover of the elderly”… ( Yes! Saurabh this was for you )

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BTW its not the age, its the the mixture of intelligence, wit, nerdiness, sarcasm, enchanting smile or just the weird geeky attraction towards the female in “black plastic-rimmed glasses”. But it sure makes her a geek goddess ….

And, one more thing, I don’t like Megan Fox …

Here, I said it, the unspeakable.  I’ve broke the foxy charm, she’s nothing but a man in female disguise … If u don’t believe me Google it….


PS : – And I am not being sarcastic.

PS : — For all the females out there waiting to catch this fish, here’s a tip … visit your optometrist… ASAP

PS : — A reminder, I was still serious about the thing for Tina Fey.