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The Betrayal !!

15 May

The day I first saw you

I knew we were made for each other,

How can you forget

all those nights we spent together.

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spending hours in a row,

I never took my eyes off you,

I forgot the world

Lost in you I went cuckoo.

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Oh I was so blind

Now I feel like a dumbhead

should have seen it coming

you and my best friend in bed

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All that love and affaction

all the money I spend on your accessories

sitting on my lap taking

you use to take away my worries

.

I did something wrong

Or was I just not enough

Were you bored of me

or you needed more stuff

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Why Did you cheat on me

Go on, now tell me the truth

you slept with someone else

You disloyal, Lenovo Intel i7 Notebook !!

Salsa, Accident, Shaktimaan and how I got my bike stolen

28 Jan

So, I was on my way to salsa “test” class, earplugs attached to my ears were singing a random track from my mp3 player, road was open, way was clear, was going to overtake Mahindra Maxx from of-course left side. Twisting Accelerator 40.. 50… 55 … 59  . . . . . . . . . and 40.. 20.. 5 .. 0.02 and Zoom, I was in the air for good 5 mili seconds.

Here is screen-shot of the animation News channels showed only ten thousand times to their visibly (probably mentally) challenged viewers.

Thank god for helmet, my million dollar worth pretty face was safe. Although I did manage to get wounds on both of my knees and my right hand, given that i fell towards my left. So, apparently not only I flew, I even rotated 90 degrees on my axis.

Conclusion 1 : I did a Shaktimaan thing … not the superman one, uber Cool … !!

Landing wasn’t very pleasant, there were potholes filled with muck, waiting there to decorate my light color shirt and new jeans.

When I stood up covered in dirt, the earplugs were still intact and the song i could hear was BEP’s “tonight is going to be a good night” …. hah!! Irony ….

And the poor guy was standing there sheepishly, surrounded by crowd abusing him, coz he had a bigger vehicle. So no matter what, its his fault. And I was thinking of getting out of there and see if I can still make it to the class.

My Expensive (pitaji ki di hui) watch was broken, The shiny bike (since i got it serviced that day itself) was not that shiny any more with legguard, handle, indicator not at there correct places  … But still i was feeling sympathetic to that guy or may be i just wanted to go off the scene …

And to my luck … the police showed up. Before they could’ve made it any worse, I accepted others’ suggestion and left with that guy in his vehicle for a hospital, believing that his “baccha (second in command)” will get it repaired.

Oh! and was I wrong, he took me to his house to wash my wounds. and …

1. I had to clean my wounds in an open area,

2. His mom kept asking me questions (in telugu)

3. I was suddenly a monkey in the big mauhalla and every-one couldn’t resist staring at me. some people even came from their house to this guy’s house to see me. Ok I know I’ve got smoking hot body with not 6 or 8 but a full family pack, But still …

Conclusion 2: Fame comes at a cost of sacrificing personal privacy. Now I know how Britney feels 😀

After 15 minutes this guy (Madhu, As his mother was screaming at him using this name) came with his Baccha and one more guy, and asked me if the person with me got my bike…

I was like ….

They stole my bike, it was probably all a setup, to steal my bike… Those people from the road side were also involved, may be the policeman too. It could be a big gang, who steal vehicles… I m  not going to leave them, I am an IT guy I’ve the power of information …. What if they kill me ….  no no no … I want my mommy … I don’t want a bike … It was old anyways … I can go to office with ‘Malik’ …. etc. etc..

Yeh, seriously all this went through my mind when i had that FUUU expression on my face.

Conclution 3 : Never trust people, specially a 25+ yr person whom ppl still call “baccha”.

Hence, I forgot about everything else and went with them to search for my bike (Actually to get out of their area at-least). And that was when i spotted my bike parked out of a Tea-stall. Oh it was a blissful moment, like the slow motion run and hug scene from the 80’s love stories. Quite a bit like this …

Not from the movie of course … but you got the picture right ;).

And as it turned out, that Tea-stall guy parked it there, so that police won’t tow-away my bike….

Conclusion 4 : Some times its owkay to trust people … just make sure they are not 25+ yr old and still goes by pet name “baccha”.

So, I got my bike back, requested god to not make my evening any more eventful, and I left that place …

PS:- Went to bidar(130 Km form hyderabad) of bike very next day.

PS:– Got a Titnes shot 36 hours after the accident.

PS:— Still limping little bit.

PS:—- No plans still to see a doctor.

I demand a separate State too

9 Dec

Have been following the TRS and KCR kartoots and it made me realize that if they can demand for a new state for them selves as they’ve been discriminated all along. I think I’ve all the right to do that too …

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So i Demand a new separate state for Left-Handers, after all there are almost 60-70 millions of us around.

The extent of discrimination and humiliation we’ve to go through is inexplicable. These “Righties” have made every thing so so convenient for them forgetting about our existence.

.

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They use their right palm to shake hands, pointing at some one, making air figures, man to hand thingie and all such cool things.

But they’ll use their left hand to ask for lift, or jerk it to say ok tata bye bye,  and Indians … they use left hand for to wash them off after doing …. oh my god i can’t even say that … Its such disgrace to the left hand …

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Tell me how many of you have to write notes in class sitting on chair with notebook support on right. And don’t get me stated on the right handed guitars, scissors, mouse, golf clubs, tin-openers, potato peelers, corkscrews, rulers, number keys on keyboards, watches, chequebooks, boomerangs, measuring cups and pencil sharpeners … the list goes on and on …

Even firearms are designed considering the right-handed person in mind, so that left-handed junta will not be able to use them properly for their protection. I am telling you, its all a well planned conspiracy to wipe out the left-handed population from the face of earth.

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They call us, south-paw (US), crack-handed (British), khabbo (India), sinitera (latin), gauche (french) and what not.

Given that we lefties earn more and hence pay more taxes then the “right” counterpart. And what are they spending in on … more “righties” favorable products.

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But not any more, come my left-handed fellows … lets show this world our true power, let us call for a band, destroy some public property and probably make some retard to go on an “amaran anshaan” too. But we’ll get a new state for us too ….

And if government is stupid enough to agree, we’ll start fighting for a separate country.

We shall call out party …

TRS (These Righties Sucks)

and I’ll be your leader

KCR (Krusty Crab Rambo)

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I’ve one last question to ask these filthy righties …. why is that you can “rightly write right from your right hand” but we can’t “leftly left left from our left hand

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I m just a human being like you all left handed people …  Only that I ask questions ……

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let there be light on thy chat window

30 Nov

This is precise and unedited chat I had with one of my friend. And I think I was almost successful in annoying her to the extent she stopped replying (As she is well know for her skill of never giving up in an argument).

Her: have u sent me the invitation?

was it you
?
.
me: who knows ..
does that matter …
.
Her: hmmm
.
me: every thing around u is not indestructible …
.
Her: just like that i asked
😮
x-(
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me: life is too short to ask such question
lets analyze what have we achieved in our life …
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Her: (punch)
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me: pointing fingers is easy …
.
Her: waaaaaaaaaaat
wat happened
who did that?
.
me: but remrmber when you point a finger at some one …
ther other three point at you
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Her: wat happened?
😮
when did i point
??
x-(
have u gone crazy/
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me: thats what appears to the whole world
the truth is …. i’ve realized …
i’ve realized the reason of life ..
there is not point in living this material life ..
.
Her: have u gone nute?
nuts*
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me: who cares bout nuts … or butters .. or cakes…
its all just pleasure for some seconds …
and then its gone ..
its your soul which remains with you …
after all …
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Her: (whew)
God save Ankit
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me: not only me… god saves every one. .
even those who have devilish intentions …
he is watching each and every one of us
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Her: Plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
for God sake
instead of crazy
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me: may lord shower his blessings on you
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Her: plzzzz
now stoppp
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me: the power of one .. is still unknown to the world ..
so they ignore him ..
or fear him ..
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Her: x-(
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me: don’t be afraid my child …
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Her: i am not ur child
😮
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me: he has the gentle hand of all … he wont hit you .. .only pat you …
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Her: 😛
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me: with his kindness
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Her: (whew)
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me: god bless you my child …. god bless you
And the child was gone  ….

Let The Men Hold Pinkies Campaign

27 Oct

Dear Readers,

I am writing this with a very heavy heart. It’s high time for all of us to unite. We’ve ignored this problem for so long, but now we’ll not any more.

As you know, that out freedom is at stake, freedom to express yourself openly, without any questions arising. I still remember those times when a guy and another guy and roam around freely, without hesitation. Nobody questioned their orientation even when they walk swinging their hand holding their pinkies. I know it sounds too good to be true, but that was such time … the golden 90’s.

holding_hands

But by the end of first decade of 2000 everything has changed. It all started with that vicious big budget multi starrer movie “which can’t be named” (Obviously the writer is referring to Karan Johar’s DOSTANA).

That was the start of actual AD (After Dostana), and within a year everything changed. All the straight male started getting emotionally harassed, by the people they considered their own, their sisters, cousins, friends, gal friends even in worst case their mothers and grandma’s.

They could no more stay alone with another male friend of theirs. Hugging and pulling each other was like a taboo. Shaking hands was allowed but not holding them. We tried to fit us in with all the rules, but still the taunts never stopped, every day every hour, never went without mention of “you know which movie”.

But as I said, It’s time to say no. If we don’t do anything now, then it would be too late. What kind of country do you want to give you male child, the country with every day every hour questions him. How to go out, how to behave with other guys? How would you face you child when he grow up and ask you, why Dad why didn’t you do something when the problem was emerging, why did you waited till it was too late… That moment will definitely suck. Let’s not wait for that moment to arrive, let’s do something now … like the king of rock and roll the great mighty Elvis said ones –“It’s now or never

So, I humbly urge you all to agree to sign a PIL with me, to put stop to all this right now, let’s make “you know which” movie forbidden to Indian females. And make it illegal to comment on a man and a man relationship. Let’s make this as huge as the pink chaddi campaign.

Let’s tell them, that we are united and we’ll not tolerate this anymore. We will if needed could go till Amaran Anshan(till death hunger strike). We’ll call this …

Let The Men Hold Pinkies Campaign

pinkie

PS : first Pic Courtesy Shelly.

blog hacked by a hot girl

11 Aug

This blog has been hacked by a Smoking hot female writer.

From now on, the previous shit head writer will not be posting his stupid ideas on this space. Only the beautiful thoughts, sentimental poems, some recipes and random cute animal pictures will be posted here. Since every nut head cum geeky internet user has to comment on any random post written by a hot (enough to evaporate her sweat) girl, you are obliged to comment on this one too.

Sign –

A girl hotter than Sun’s surface,

(Which is around -15000000K)

Disclaimer: It’s not another lame attempt by a nerd trying to impersonate a hot (enough to burn Chuck Norris alive) girl, to increase the comment count of his blog.

How to be a Road side Romeo for dummies – 2

7 Aug

Part -1

If you think lines like “eh chalti kya”, “jhakaas maal”, “haai! Dil per churiyan chala di”, “palat” and cheap whistling will help you creep out the women and satisfy your sadistic needs … then you have reached the 90’s but you are definitely not prepared enough for the female of 21st century.

Here is the next chapter of …  Eveteasersdaily #1 bestseller


How to be a successful 21st century Road side Romeo

For Dummies


Testimonial from Pups (formely – pappu katori)

M_Id_44746_Roadside_Romeo

–          There was the time when mothers used to tell their daughters not to take tedi gali because that’s where pappu katori roam. I had the power to nauseate female from 15 to 50, oh! Those were the golden days. Well things changed and I kind of started losing my charm. Female were less afraid of me, they even stopped making disgusted faces on my comments. But I lost it when they started laughing calling me uncle. I went into depression; it took me 2 years and this awesome book to recover from there. And now I m back baby!! Better than before, now I know where I went wrong … all the hidden secrets of laundiyabaazi, oops sorry the art of eve teasing are here, in this one greatest ever book. There are thousands of humiliated people like me out there, who just can no longer stand the shame of not living up to the mark of our ancestors.

STEP 3: Body Language:

Yes! The body speaks, and much much louder than the (de)silencer of your bike.

  1. Learn to pull your belly in and hold it right there … you don’t want to look like some uncle with tummy suspending out of the pant, do you?
  2. Spread your chest holding the breath*, as wide as you can. Big hairy chest is an asset very few are blessed with. If you are the one exploit it as much as you can.
  3. Make sure your hands do not touch your body while walking, keep your arms 4 inch away from torso and swing them mechanically synchronized with your legs. That’s how manly man walks.
  4. Never sit on the rider’s seat while driving the bike, stretch your body move back as much as possible. It’s really important to give the sporty look, doesn’t matter if you have a third class 100 cc bike. And don’t worry about the back pain, u are not going to live long enough for that.
  5. If you are in a restaurant, always … put your right leg on the couch or the chair, keep your right hand on it, and keep waving it while talking, don’t forget to eye the girl on the other table.

STEP 4: Mouth Language:

Expressing your evil intensions to the victim is not as easy as it may seem to others. It demands lot hard work and months of practice. Here, I’ll explain how to improve your language skills…

1. I would strongly suggest you to go through the Dictionary of RSR Words like “Dude”, ”Kool”, ”Hot”, “Chick”, “Man”, “Yo”, “sexy”, “babe”, are   the keywords you have learn by heart.

Use random combinations of these words and viola, you are and English genius.

Example:

  • Yo dude, you chick look so hot.
  • Hey, sexy mama I m kool man.
  • The cool Daddy is here sexy hot babe.

2. Slangs are the soul of RSR language. As per the old legends, an RSR who fails to construct his sentence without even a single slang dies the death of a middle class government servant.

But times have changed … you  are no more a sadak chaap mawaali you are well-versed RSR. So, no more maa-ki aur bhen-ki, go international crossing South Park, do it the gangsta style. Like:  BEEP, BEEEEP, BEEPBEEP, BEEEEEEEEEEP, BEEEP, BEEP BEEP BEEP …

(Note:  this portion has been censored to protect the innocence)

3. And if you are dumb (as in 95% of the cases), your cheap Chinese hyper loud mobile can come handy. Beware, don’t put cheap desi (read bhojpuri) songs like “hamka hau chaahi”, “meri chatari ke neeche aaja” “jaalidaar kurti” etc. Not because they are cheap and disgusting, coz that’s what you are, it’s just that these are uncool and surprisingly not irritating enough.

Reshamiya’s meticulously creepy melodies iced with his nasal effects are strongly recommended, it works like a charm.

That’s all for now my lovely dirty students, in the next session,

We’ll be learning the tricks and ways how to locate your prey,

And how to save your ass if it turns out to be gay .

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PS:- Took me just just 8 months and 9 days to write the sequel post to the other one.

PS: – The pic is copyright of yashraj films.