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Please change but not for me

15 Jun

So here’s a thing about people, be it your family, friends or colleagues. Every single one of them have a suggestion for you, things you need to change.

Say for example, you don’t like hurting people by saying no to their request. And you end up doing things you don’t like, going to places you don’t wanna go.

Now, your close and concerned friend will tell, dude grow up… learn to say no. Do what you like.

It takes some time but you starts to get it, and starts practicing it.

Now, the same friend comes to you asking for a something you totally detest but used to agree to do before. Now when you deny (After this person’s suggestion) you are changed. You are not the same friends as you used to be.

 

Don’t get me started on the relatives now ….

 

So effectively the conclusion is … You can’t escape it. You were born doomed ….

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The Betrayal !!

15 May

The day I first saw you

I knew we were made for each other,

How can you forget

all those nights we spent together.

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spending hours in a row,

I never took my eyes off you,

I forgot the world

Lost in you I went cuckoo.

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Oh I was so blind

Now I feel like a dumbhead

should have seen it coming

you and my best friend in bed

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All that love and affaction

all the money I spend on your accessories

sitting on my lap taking

you use to take away my worries

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I did something wrong

Or was I just not enough

Were you bored of me

or you needed more stuff

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Why Did you cheat on me

Go on, now tell me the truth

you slept with someone else

You disloyal, Lenovo Intel i7 Notebook !!

The Woodcutter story

12 Jul

I am sure most of you would have heard this story when you were kids. Still to wipe the corrosion off the junk … here it is again …

One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, “Why are you crying?”


The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed the axe to make his living.

The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. “Is this your axe?” the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, “No.”

The Lord again went down and came up with a silver Axe. “Is this your axe?” the Lord asked.

Again, the woodcutter replied, “No.”

The Lord went down again and came up with an iron Axe. “Is this your axe?” the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, “Yes.”
The Lord was pleased with the man’s honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.

If I would have been in place of Lord(which happens to be my nick too)… the conversation would have been more like this …

Woodcutter : Boo hoo hoo … my axe is gone …  boo hoo hoo

Lord (that would be me) : What happened my son ? why are you crying ?

Woodcutter : Blah blah blah ! I was cutting wood, (more blah) dropped my axe in the river. Boo hoo hoo ….

Lord : WTF !! seriously ? Are you really that stupid ?

Woodcutter : (surprised look on his face)

Lord : Seriously dude ? Out of all the trees in the jungle you chose the one which is beside the river. And you chose that branch which was just above the deepest part of the fricking river.

How were you planning to take those branches back home, huh Einstein ? I mean come on … this wood is all wet and weak … A liter of patrol wont be able to burn it.

You know what! You are the biggest moron on the face of earth, no wonder you are poor.

Woodcutter : (f**ked expression on face)

Lord : Don’t give me that look knuckle head … I was in the middle of some thing Godly ! The heaven was so close and then you just blew it up … you know it take many human-years to built mood for me. Aaarrrgghh !!

Evidently, you are a big failure as woodcutter, it’s too demanding job for your microscopic brain, isn’t it ? There’s only one job left for you to do, go enroll for an MBA. Managerial job is the only one  you’ll be successful at. And you’ve got right skills for it … don’t you.

loosing your axe, because of your stupidity … and now asking me (engineer) to fix it for you. And for what ? so that you can f**k this up again ….

now get out of my sight, before I shred you into pieces with my gold and silver axe…

Lord : (to self) Yeh … My axe collection is now complete with the final iron one … Now I’ll show menaka and ramabha … my AXE effect ….

PS: Back to blogging after a hiatus … feels good … had loads going on …

40 questions

23 Feb

1. My uncle once: made me attend Asha Ram Bapu’s Pravachan, It turned out to be much painful then digging up the ground and hiding his body in the backyard ….

2. Never in my life: I’ve lied . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . After 4 pegs of Scotch.

3.When I was five: I used to believe kids are born when you marry a girl and hug her.

4.High School was: full of teenage stupidity, wish i’ve not been the sane one around.

5.I will never forget: the time I told some one that i bought chocolates for her, because they were lying in my house and I had to finish them …. aaargh …. isstoopid …

6.I once met: my doppelganger, later realized that I was drunk and was looking at a mirror.

7. There’s this girl I know who: is a big movie star, unfortunately she don’t know me 😦

8. Once, at a bar: i saw a guy with no hands drinking. Later I realized it was dark, he was black …. and I m racist 😀

9. By noon, I’m usually: in office, tweeting or writing such random posts.

10. Last night: will not be “last night” tomorrow.

11. If only I had: the address of stacy’s house ….

parental guidance adviced … 😉

12. Next time I go to the Temple: I promise not to steal shoes and sandals, unless of-course they are new and branded.

13. Rakhi Sawant: Is the best (RS) thing that has happened to the Indian Television since Ramanand Sagar.

14. What worries me most: is the condition of poor, hungry, and undernourished kids in Northern Africa and models in North America.

15. When I turn my head left, I see: a laptop, a desktop, a palmtop and a cyborg living in harmony.

16. When I turn my head right, I see: A so called white board, which has run out space to accumulate any more black, blue, green or red ink marks.

17. You know I’m lying when: when I can see the fan, without turning my head up.

18. What I miss most about the nineties: mile sur mera tumahra, was shorter and better.

19. If I was a character in Shakespeare, I’d be: langada tyagi bahubali …. (Othello –> Omkaara 😀 )

20. By this time next year: I’ll be at the same place, writing same shit over and over again.

21. A better name for me would be: shri shri 1008 ankiteshwar maharaj

22. I have a hard time understanding: things I don’t really understand.

23. If I ever go back to school, I’ll: beat up that fat bully from class 3rd and buy infinite many flag candies and won’t share it with any one.

24. You know I like you if: I try and ignore you or say stupid thing out of nervousness.

25. If I ever won an award, the first person I’d thank would be: the person who made sure Kanye West is not around.

26. Sachin Tendulkar, Mozart, Sonia Gandhi & Ronaldo: none of them, it has be Dada Kondake for making such master piece…

27.Take my advice, never: be a straight man in a gay world.

28. My ideal breakfast is: human brainz

29. A song I love, but do not own is: yaaron maine panga le liye – Altaf Raja

30. If you visit my hometown, I suggest: not to mention my current location to certain people

31. Tulips, character flaws, microchips, & track stars: microchips with salsa sauce

32. Why won’t people: leave Britney spears alone ?

33.If you spend the night at my house: you’ll be awarded with this …

34. I’d stop my wedding for: Any gal hotter than the one I would be marrying 😛

35. The world could do without: Gracy Singh, no no, not because she was the boring side kick in Munna bhai MBBS and Lagan or because she could only weep properly in her TV series Amanat.  But coz of the mere fact that she couldn’t  even come close to the awe-fucking-someness of Kamal khan in Deshdrohi …

36. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: buying the ticket to watch “My Name is Khan”

37. My favorite blonde is: Blondes are dumb … i not like dumb … i favorite brunet … they have big B’s …  brains i mean ee haa … !!

38: Paper clips are more useful than: The breaking news updates from India TV, Aaj tak  and Star News combined.

39. If I do anything well, it’s: definitely not me…

40. And by the way: I’ve successfully wasted your 20 min. And you will never get it back …. and here i present you with my sadistic laughter muhahaha  muhahaha !!

PS :- Another tag shamelessly lifted from here.

PS :– stole some pics from here and here.

PS :— Of course its a tag post … so i’ve to tag fellow blogger … i tag –> Laaf@life, ORB, Ayesha , Shark , sultan , abhishek , Pankaj and of-course all other readers … of this blog 🙂

PS :—- yu ki note karne vaali baat yeh hai, ki maine un sabko tag kiya hai jinke comments mujhe history main dikhe … individual blog links search karna is such a pain 😀

cutest, sweetest, lovely and an adorable post

5 Jan

After years of research, I’ve finally come up with the ultimate post of the decade which is so immensely powerful that It’s capable of getting attention of the prettier half of mankind (By that i mean Females my g33k friends). Well almost all of them. Here it goes…

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Continue reading

Tina Fey

16 Dec

Well this certainly is the topic I’ve always tried to avoid writing about… But after three Season’s of “30 Rock” and numerous youtube videos, I just couldn’t resist to confess my lurrrv for Tina Fey.

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I know she’s 15 years older than me, but did that stopped Melania Knauss from marrying Donald Trump or Jesus Luz form Dating Madonna ….   Niiiyyooooo  !!!

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So don’t give me that title of yours “Lover of the elderly”… ( Yes! Saurabh this was for you )

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BTW its not the age, its the the mixture of intelligence, wit, nerdiness, sarcasm, enchanting smile or just the weird geeky attraction towards the female in “black plastic-rimmed glasses”. But it sure makes her a geek goddess ….

And, one more thing, I don’t like Megan Fox …

Here, I said it, the unspeakable.  I’ve broke the foxy charm, she’s nothing but a man in female disguise … If u don’t believe me Google it….


PS : – And I am not being sarcastic.

PS : — For all the females out there waiting to catch this fish, here’s a tip … visit your optometrist… ASAP

PS : — A reminder, I was still serious about the thing for Tina Fey.

blog hacked by a hot girl

11 Aug

This blog has been hacked by a Smoking hot female writer.

From now on, the previous shit head writer will not be posting his stupid ideas on this space. Only the beautiful thoughts, sentimental poems, some recipes and random cute animal pictures will be posted here. Since every nut head cum geeky internet user has to comment on any random post written by a hot (enough to evaporate her sweat) girl, you are obliged to comment on this one too.

Sign –

A girl hotter than Sun’s surface,

(Which is around -15000000K)

Disclaimer: It’s not another lame attempt by a nerd trying to impersonate a hot (enough to burn Chuck Norris alive) girl, to increase the comment count of his blog.